Are You Pregnant? | How One Simple Question Can Hurt So Much

There are so many reasons this simple question can cut so deep. It is such a personal question that it is so hard not to take offense when the question is said in an inappropriate situation. This is hurtful for women who are trying to get pregnant, who have lost a child, and those who are NOT pregnant. The last of those scenarios has plagued my life for the last five years. This is not something I talk about often – really only with those closest to me. But it is time that I discuss just how awful this question really can be to so many people.

The Question: “Are your pregnant?” or “When are you due?” seem like innocent questions. For me this has caused me years of pain, tears, and anguish. When I was pregnant with my children I gain a lot of weight. Too much weight. As a result trying to lose the tummy has been extremely difficult – especially because my girls are Irish Twins. For three years I never left the house without being asked if I was pregnant. People groped my stomach (with no child inside). People looked at my newborn and one year old then asked if I was “really having another child”. It was mortifying!! I am so thankful that my children never understood these questions. It was the most painful when these were asked in front of my husband – who was too shocked to respond.


{Three weeks before Noli was born}

have mostly responded with a simple no I am not. But as the years have gone by it has gotten harder and harder to respond in a civil way. What makes people think that it’s ok to comment on another’s body? Especially in such a personal way? As the years have gone by, I have responded with tears, silence, anger, and sarcasm. I am so frustrated with walking on eggshells by trying to avoid people who may ask me if I am pregnant – instead of being able to live my life without feeling uncomfortable.


{Christmas 2014 – 6 months post-partem}

The Work: Now as I say all of this you may be thinking – ok lady, time to stop complaining and hit the gym, watch your food intake, and take some supplements. I am here to say that since my second pregnancy that has been all that has been on my mind. I started small with walking and increasing my veggie intake. Then I got a gym membership and started going 3 times a week. Once I started waiting tables, I really began to lose the weight because I didn’t have time to eat and the job is so demanding. We then moved to another state where I joined a Moms Run this Town group. I ran my first 10K with my brother – but I still was only 10 -15 lbs from my my weight when I had Noli. I then joined another gym and began taking my fitness more seriously. I take boxing, rowing, cycle, TRX and weight training classes 4-5 times a week. I have also started adjusting my diet based on recommendations from my trainers, and I started to see my body type begin to change but still no significant weight loss (at this point I had been working for 4 years and only lost 10 lbs since having a child).


{My brother and I competing in a 10K in 2016}

To say I am frustrated is a total understatement. I grew up an athlete – broke records and was always considered “too skinny”. It is such a hard pill to swallow that this body type is my new reality. Clothes will never look the same. I will never be considered the skinny girl again. I can live with that! It really isn’t the end of the world. However, it seemed that not only did I have to accept this larger body but I also have to accept the reality that everyone will think that I am STILL pregnant.

The Results: The results have really not been pretty. I have still only lost minimal weight. I am still largest in my midsection. I STILL get asked if I am pregnant. However, I am so much stronger than I was – both mentally and physically. I am curling 20 lbs right now and can run 3 miles without blinking. I have lost inches and started showing muscle definition. Recently I have started to lose weight again. I am starting to feel more comfortable in my own skin. I have been asked “the question” less and less. I am definitely on the way to being a more healthy and less-pregnant-looking me.


{Drew and I in Feb. 2019}

Although I know I have come a long way, I still cringe when I leave the house. I can only imagine how much more difficult this question would be for women who have lost children or can’t have them and so desperately want children. This question is so loaded it really should be considered a socially unacceptable question. I hope that some will learn that this question is not ok. I hope others will learn that they are not alone if this question plagues them too. We are better together and supporting each other.

Lauren Cop is a part-time SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) of Irish Twins and Senior writer/editor ciao_laurencop_sig-01of the Olive Shoe Blog. Currently Lauren and her family live in Tallahassee, FL where she teaches at a local pre-school. A Clemson fanatic, alumni and general sports enthusiast. She loves reading, gardening, food, and traveling. Follow her Twitter, Instagram, and Pinterest.

The Olive Shoe | Paperie & Design | Celebrating Creativity and Creatively Celebrating is designed and run by Lauren {LAC} James © 2015 LAC James All Rights Reserved.

Lauren {LAC} James is a Sr. Designer of Product Graphics for an international manufacturing company by day and a creativity crusader, designer, planner extraordinaire, artist and blogger in her “free” time. Follow her and The Olive Shoe on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest or Instagram! Pleasesubscribe to receive emails, of course, come back and visit again soon!

Please visit the online art gallery {Art by LAC} and Etsy Shop too

Other Posts by Lauren Cop:



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s